I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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