Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize