Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
