White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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