I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize