Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
