Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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