So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
