If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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