God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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