end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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