you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
