Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
