we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
