he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sobbing to NWA
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
