omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
