i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize