we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
