I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
