if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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