You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
