you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
