low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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