my phone needs a breathalizer
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
