Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why didn't you poke me back
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
