I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
