I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
