Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize