we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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