you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
