I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
