Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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