Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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