I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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