I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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