My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
