There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
