can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
