how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
