Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
