Yo dont text me then not text me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
