And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
