Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
