I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
