i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she was so not down for the gang bang
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
