He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
