I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize