the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Enjoy the penises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize