guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
