Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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