You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
