I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
