I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
