I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
