u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
