He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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