the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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