You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
