maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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