I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize