he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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