Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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