HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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