I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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