No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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