Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
