Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
