dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
