Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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